I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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