Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
