I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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