Whod you bang
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize