whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
