If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
