Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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