He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
