dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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