I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
