just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
