I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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