What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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