ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
