matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was confusing and full of hummus
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She even gives head with a lisp.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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