How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
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