sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
