so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
