Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
