Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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