either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
