He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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