Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my liver is dry heaving
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
