Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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