I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
