people are starting to question the shark bite story
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
