plz talk dirty to me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
