so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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