Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My liver just had a heart attack.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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