Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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