dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't put those talents on a resume
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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