I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
