If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
