I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
