you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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