So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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