I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
