spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
