i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
