I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can I color on your dick again?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
