Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize