Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'd cum for enchiladas.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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