I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
