she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
FUCK WHALES
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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