so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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