ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
