its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
