so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
