You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
