Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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