You smell like a Billy Joel song
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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