then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
