I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
