Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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