Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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