Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
