one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
