Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
did i walk over a car last night?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
