if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
