he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
please come you make the beer taste better
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize