so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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