I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
