i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
