Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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