1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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