i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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