She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
