Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
