wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
