I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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