Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
