I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
