I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
