Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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