i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
sex in a hospital.. check
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
