i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
