At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
