i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize