I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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